ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Hello, thanks for coming to this page. Here’s what you should know.

This is me. I’m vacationing in Australia picking M&M’s out of my dress. That’s what I’m all about - living life on the edge; picking out M&M’s is wild and unpredictable behavior. That’s just me.

I like fruit candy and tivo. I’m learning to cook. I don’t like whispering or watching guys do thumb circles on their dates’ shoulders or backs; it grosses me out, especially while I’m eating. I’m really bad about using my blinkers. I never win anything. I eat late at night.

I love to write and eat snacks. I’m going to be honest: I’m all about Taco Bell, Cool Ranch Doritos, and watching soccer. I used to wear a soccer ball necklace all the time but it was stolen from me in a liquor store shooting gone bad. Here’s a photo of me showing my dedication to the game:

This is how bad I suck at photoshop:

Finally, I love animals. Here is an animal I rescued from a local shelter. He was neglected and underfed by his original owner. When I approached him in his cage at the shelter, he opened his mouth wide and rolled his eyes, indicating intense hunger. I unwrapped a yellow starburst and pushed it into his cage. He turned away. “Fine,” I said, irritated. I unwrapped the cherry starburst, and he ate it greedily. Anyhow, now I am his caregiver. His name is Uncle Feo. You can’t get too close to him because he’s kind of violent; he bit the neighbor kid’s thumb off, but he’s real sweet for about 15 minutes after he’s been fed.

Let me know what you’re thinking, or if you have any ideas for a blog I can write. I’m willing to entertain children at birthday parties for lots of money.

Alright, good talk.