Team Of The Week (5/6)

1. Mixing Up Your Detergent and Wine

  

Two women in New Zealand had to be hospitalized after they were served dish washing detergent instead of wine at a cafe.  Easy mistake since most people I know store their wine in old bottles of Palm Olive or Dawn dish soap.  And since wine tastes so much like poisonous cleaning solution, I don’t fault the women for slamming their glasses cougar-style, then retching in agony.

 2. Man Tries To Cash 360 Billion Dollar Check

I’m totally in love with this man - Charles Ray Fuller, a 21-year-old man from North Texas.  Fuller recently tried to cash a check for 360 billion dollars at a local bank.  His girlfriend’s mother gave him the check so he could start his own record company, and he was pretty excited about it.  My favorite part of the article is this line: “Tellers at the FortWorth Bank were immediately suspicious.”  I wonder what made them think twice about it.  I woulda just started thumbing over 20’s and 50’s. 

3. Students High-Fiving Teachers . . . With Tacks

A 15-year-old middle student in Florida was recently arrested for giving his teachers high fives with tacks stuck between his fingers.  This story hits close to home because, as a teacher, I’ve had lots of pranks played on me.  One time it was really funny how a couple of students beat me pretty severely with a baseball bat dipped in acid.  Another time, I howled with laughter when a student jabbed a plastic fork into my kidney.  I’m still on the donor list and probably only have like 3 months to live, but no big deal.  I love my students.  I just wish this Florida teacher would get a sense of humor.  Kids will be kids.

4. Portland’s Chi Is Off

   

A Portland man has decided to stick 23-foot needles into the Portland earth in order to refigure the city’s “chi” or vital energy.  Apparently Portland tried massage, psychotherapy, and antidepressants, but nothing was working, so acupuncture is its last non-surgical hope. 

5. Fatal Dolphin Collision = Family Fun at Seaworld

 Just imagine it: you take your small, impressionable child to Seaworld in Orlando so it can learn about stuff.  You decide to steer the little crumb-cruncher toward the dolphin show, hoping for an unforgettable spectacle.  And that’s exactly what you get, but not in a good way.  In a midair collision between two dolphins showing off in that obnoxious dolphin way, one of the mammals ended up dying from head trauma.  Seaworld brought in trained grief counselors to deal with the other dolphin’s separation anxiety.  No one got their money back.   

 

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