Team Of The Week (4/29)
1. Human Breast Milk Cheese For Sale . . . Finally
Those of you wanting to increase the folic acid in your diet might want to check out this breast milk cheese. I’ve tried it, and it’s delicious. It tastes sort of like a stale Frito that’s been fermenting in old yogurt, but it’s delicious paired with some mashed bananas and Cheerios. They’ll even ship it to you.
2. Shrimp Workers Enslaved
Shrimp workers in Thailand (the world’s #1 shrimp industry leader) are being subjected to human trafficking, child labor, debt bondage, and forced labor. Officials are calling it “moderd day slavery,” and likening it to medieval torture. Listen though . . . I love shrimp. Shrimp cocktails are delicious, and I’m not about to give them up. So whatever’s going on in Thailand - let’s keep it going. I don’t need any whistle-blowing over there. If you’re reading this and you work in a Thai shrimp factory, sack up and keep deveining.
3. Awesome Parenting
A Michigan man “accidentally” gave his son alcohol during his baseball game. He told authorities he just wanted to give his kid some refreshing lemonande, but he ended up giving the kid ”Mike’s Hard Lemonade,” a delicious mix of lemonade and thirst-quenching vodka. The kid drank like 50 bottles and was taken to the hospital. Afterward, he landed in foster care, but that’s not the point. When I was a kid, I could barely convice my dad to come to my soccer games let alone bring me vodka. This kid is one lucky little s.o.b..
4. Head Lice = Art
Here’s the headline: “Seven German artists are living with lice in their hair in an Israeli museum for three weeks in the name of ‘art.’” These weird German people want to toy with the boundaries of art in order to express their belief that life is art and art is life. Couple things: 1) WTF? and 2) Nasty. I respect the larvae, though, and hope that no lice are sacrificed for art’s sake. Last year, one guy had a human ear grafted onto his forearm as an “augmentation of the human form.” I’m secretly turned on.
4. Satan Tries To Close Down Disneyland
A man who calls himself Satan made a bomb threat against the happiest place on earth this week. The devil was recently fired from Planet Hollywood restaurant in Downtown Disney and wasn’t ok with it, so he decided to take action. Satan said he “scared a lot of people,” but “did it for the better good.” I don’t know what that means, but because I dedicated my life to Satan years ago after I made a bargain with him to lessen some jail time I had to serve, I have to stand behind him here.
April 29, 2008 at 6:27 pm
I like the bonus number four in this one.
But about that breast cheese. An old girlfriend used to get that. Hygiene wasn’t her strongest point.
April 29, 2008 at 6:39 pm
When my breast milk block arrives next Tuesday, I kind of approach it like cow milk or beef or an animal that I eat. I really dont want to see where its coming from.
But Im pretty sure its here:
http://ventoline2004.free.fr/miosotis/miosot10.jpg
April 29, 2008 at 8:06 pm
The team of the week continues to get better. Yay! What would I ever do without the Team Of The Week?
Thomas
April 30, 2008 at 1:36 am
Ian - I like that your girlfriend “got breast cheese.” Do you regret breaking up?
Andy - That picture is so great. She for sure puts out the b.cheese.
Thomas - Team of the Week is a credible news source for many individuals. Some people don’t even read the paper or cnn.com anymore.
April 30, 2008 at 3:58 am
Pair up the titzerella cheese with some Thai slave shrimp, and - BAM!! - an appetizer you can really feel good about.
April 30, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Shrimp and slavery don’t mix. How could a job working with delicious shrimp all day long be called slavery? All the free shrimp you want, 15 hours a day, 7 days a week?!? Sign me up!
April 30, 2008 at 2:26 pm
And Leaky, no offense, but your savior may be delusional. There’s no Planet Hollywood at Downtown Disney, but I’m still holding out hope.
April 30, 2008 at 3:43 pm
In order to maximize profit, I suggest we hook those shrimp workers up to breast pumps.
April 30, 2008 at 5:36 pm
That Satan story reminds me of the kid who recently decided to build a bomb and kill himself, only so he could go to Heaven and kill Jesus. I guess he doesn’t know about God’s hatred towards quitters.
April 30, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Dude, I don’t know what people are talking about with the kiddie alcohol thing. Any parent who does’t give their kid booze to knock them out during holidays, family gatherings and sports events where you’ve betted on the other team are just plain unresourceful.
April 30, 2008 at 8:06 pm
I’m thinking breast milk cheese will make great fondue at the next office party. That’ll teach those bastards to pass me over for promotion.
April 30, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Red - Wow. Thai Shrimp slave appetizers. I LOVE that idea. I’d pay like 8.00 for that at TGI Friday’s.
DD - I know right - they need to stop their whining. If one of them could smuggle in some cocktail sauce, it’d be a party. And the Disney thing is Disneyworld in Florida. I guess i shoulda mentioned that.
Qazse - Great idea to max profit. We might get some smelly shrimp, but chalk full of nutrients.
B5 - What is this story?? I googled it for my next Team, but I couldn’t find it. Give me more deets.
Greenmet - I know, right?? My mom used to slip a little brandy into my bottle when I was an infant. Look how I turned out.
Uncle Keith - Hey Uncle Keith, how’s Aunt Jeanne? Breast cheese fondue sounds delicious. Let’s enjoy some at Joe’s wedding this coming June. He’ll be so surprised. Sorry about the promotion - total bastards.
April 30, 2008 at 9:37 pm
My parent had me arrested after I struck out three times in a row in a little league game. I was released on $1,000,000.00 bond, put up by the wolf pack that cared for me as a toddler.
May 1, 2008 at 3:58 am
How did they make the breast-cheese blocks so big? I guess that means that each breast-cheese-block contains multiple chick’s raw materials?…I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with “mixed” nipple-juice-cheese…can I pay premium for the “pure stuff”?
May 1, 2008 at 5:22 am
Every guy still secretly craves his mother’s breast, so breast milk cheese is the perfect solution to the dilemma guys face when they can’t really rip open their mom’s blouse and start sucking again in public–or even in private in most cases. Check out the myth of Artemis, who had three dozen breasts and ruled the Greek world because every Greek man would rather suck on her teats than go fight wars to take her on as an enemy. Can you imagine the amount of cheese she could product ion a 24-hour period with three dozen breasts???
May 1, 2008 at 7:32 am
Most are probably going to think I’m dense, but what’s “Team” of the week? Where does “team” come from or what does it relate to in terms of 5 interesting stories you’ve pulled from around the world? Regardless, it’s good stuff…just curious where “team” comes from.
May 1, 2008 at 1:20 pm
Here it is Andrea. A gift for you.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/04/29/teen.charged.ap/index.html
May 1, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Shit Romi, that is like the best idea ever. With your recent leakage, you could totally make a fortune! Just let it sit out in the sun for a bit, and BAM! college fund for your future hellraisers. I, on the other hand, will encourage my kids to drive a truck.
May 2, 2008 at 1:36 am
About 77 percent of new mothers breast-feed their infants at least briefly, the highest rate seen in the United States in more than a decade, according to a government survey released on Wednesday.
That means less breast milk for the cheese makers!
May 2, 2008 at 3:07 am
Will they be using milking machines to get the breast milk to make the cheese?
May 2, 2008 at 3:08 am
Will they be giving hormones to women to increase miilk production?
May 2, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Do you think there’s a way for chicks to product non-fat tit milk? I mean I don’t give a shit about my own fucking diet or anything but there’s got to be a market for it, you know?
May 9, 2008 at 9:40 pm
that kid IS fucking lucky!! my dad only let us have wine coolers and that was only if someone stayed over. he gets VODKA… lucky!