Team Of The Week (2/4)
1. New Book Releases!!
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I watched the superbowl yesterday, and I’m pretty sure I saw the Giants win, but this book is all about the Patriots’ perfect 19-0 season, and it’s available on Amazon. I’m really interested in reading it because I know I had quite a few beers, but still . . . I could have sworn I saw the Giants win. In any case, it looks like a great read.
2. Rat-Hot Panties
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Apparently women’s underwear with rats on them is all the rage in Malasia. To prepare for the Year of the Rat, Chinese tang in Malasia are scooping up rat and mouse panties like crazy. You’re supposed to wear them for good luck in the new year. I just like saying “rat-hot panties.”
3. All You Blue-Eyed People Are Related . . . To This Guy
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Ok, maybe not that guy, but this article says you’re all related to a single dude. How does that make you feel blue-eyed people?? I always wanted to have blue eyes, but now that I know you’re all related to each other, I’m not gonna lie - I feel kind of weird about it.** It puts a new spin on the Crystle Gayle classic ”Don’t you make my brown eyes blue.”
** I’m also not in your family, so if any of you are attractive and want to get to know me and my brown eyes better, just let me know.
4. Blow-Up Doll Owner’s Rights
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A guy in Romania fought for his right to be reimbursed when his blow-up doll stopped moaning. The man from Transylvania also insisted that his blow-up doll deflated much too quickly when he tried to pleasure it. He’s like the Martin Luther King of pervy men, standing up for sex toy users everywhere, and I applaud him. He won his case, and the sex shop awarded him a new doll with a sexier moan and stronger plastic thighs.
5. License Plate Fever
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This is a highly strange story. People in the United Arab Emirates, a small Persian Gulf nation, are nuts for vanity license plates with single numbers. The number 5 sold for about 7 million US dollars, and the number 1 is expected to break the record for the most expensive license plate in the world. The country is auctioning off the single #1 to the highest bidder next week. This odd little Middle Eastern nation also boats having the largest indoor snow park in the world.
February 4, 2008 at 8:55 pm
For the record…my blow up doll didn’t just quit moaning, she kept telling me it had a headache and finally that I “just wasn’t that attractive” to her any more. The final straw was one day last month when I came home from work early to see her giving a blow job to the neighbor’s air mattress.
Hey, I gave you an award last week and forgot to tell you:
http://whorechurch.wordpress.com/2008/02/01/excellent-blog-of-course-i-won/
Enjoy.
February 4, 2008 at 10:44 pm
Whore - That is HI-LARIOUS about your blow-up doll making excuses not to have sex with you and then fully cheating. Your comment is golden. I’ll check out my award right now - thanks.
February 4, 2008 at 10:59 pm
what do you mean The Patriots didn’t win? You were DEF drinking too much.
31-17, Pats. Just like I called it. 19-0 baby!!!
February 4, 2008 at 11:14 pm
If you’ve confirmed it Andy, then it must be true. I’m sorry I doubted it. You’re going to buy that book, right?
February 5, 2008 at 12:16 am
Thanks for sharing the blue eyed story. As a blue-eyed man I will be sure to greet my family members from now on, and maybe hit them up for a loan. You’ve gotta help out your family members, right?
February 5, 2008 at 12:38 am
In regards to #5 The UAE is finding very lucrative ways to sustain their economy once all the oil is gone. Dubai will also soon hold the record for the World’s Tallest Building, The Burj Dubai. So why not make a few million off of license plates.
February 5, 2008 at 2:47 am
seriously, a sexier moan and stronger plastic thighs are just some of the necessities in life that we cant (AND SHOUDNT) live without.
and as much as I hate Tom Brady, I still can’t believe the Giants pulled it off…
February 5, 2008 at 5:04 am
Rat panties are what Splinter from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, likes to frame up in his,”Hall Of Skanks”
February 5, 2008 at 1:36 pm
I couldn’t top whorechurch’s comment, so this one is going to be lame.
Oh wait…
Thomas
February 5, 2008 at 3:37 pm
I DO have blue eyes, and now I feel really weird about it.
Especially the part about being a mutant.
February 5, 2008 at 5:10 pm
My eyes are green, what does that make me?!? Some kind of toxic sewer dweller? Oh rad, I’m totally a ninja turtle. I also have rat-hot panties from Splinter. Unfortunately, they included splinters.
Oh snap! I just read other people’s comments and someone else beat me to the concept! Shit. I’m the little-known fifth ninja turtle, completing the all-powerful team of Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, Michaelangelo, and That-Dude-Who-Sketches-An-Ugly-Ass-Version-Of-Your-Face-And-Sells-It-To-The-Carnies-For-Beer-Money. You know, not quite up to par?
February 5, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Having blue eyes, I’m thankful I prefer brown eyed men. I only had sex with only one other blue eyed man. I guess you never really know if your out there banging away your brother or sister… ha ha ha …
February 6, 2008 at 2:59 am
Blow-up dolls can MOAN???
WTF?
What CAN’T they do?
Is this why I don’t have a boyfriend?
Fuck.
February 6, 2008 at 3:26 am
No Romi, THIS is why many women do not have a boyfriend.
February 6, 2008 at 4:04 am
WhoreChurch: OH MY GOD, I am SO traumatized after entering that website…it costs like $1300 just for a torso, and the full-body ones look like REAL chicks!!!
But REALLY: there are actually men out there who have these!??!?!
And here are some select features from the website, which further illustrate your point of why there is no boyfriend in sight for me:
“Realdoll” Features:
Elastic - flesh can withstand over 300% elongation —-(WTF!??!?)
Heat Resistant - can withstand over 300 degrees heat—-(what kind of hot rods are these dudes packing!??!!?)
Stain Resistant - nothing sticks to silicone flesh—-(stains!??! LMAO…
Realistic Feel - pliant and soft in all the right places—-(oh, those doll-whores and their pliable doll-flesh…damn them!!!!)
Odorless and Flavorless —-(Hahaha..)
Safe - no risk of disease, nontoxic—–(can’t argue with that…
Convenient - always ready & available —-(sluts)
So just to re-iterate: Fuck.
AB, what do you think about all this?
February 6, 2008 at 5:35 am
Whorechurch - hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Greatest link ever.
February 6, 2008 at 5:35 am
Romi - do they make male odorless, flavorless dolls???! Outrageous.
February 6, 2008 at 12:29 pm
My blow up doll turned out to be too needy for me, so she’s only good for one thing now: getting me into the carpool lane. Which is fine because Valentine’s Day is coming up and I don’t want to repeat that nightmare.
I’m still banned from ever setting foot in a Red Lobster again.
February 6, 2008 at 4:59 pm
By the way, they do have a guy doll, on the same site that WhoreChurch linked to. They even have a headless one.
February 6, 2008 at 9:53 pm
Any plans to post pictures of you ice skating?
February 7, 2008 at 2:29 am
Hey, the guy was promised a fake, moaning whore. He provided the shopkeep with the required amount of money for that particular product, and he was not delivered what he was promised.
More power to him! Moan bitch, moan!
February 7, 2008 at 9:25 am
Those rich fucks are buying license plates for millions of dollars? Jerks.
February 7, 2008 at 9:26 am
Oh, and have fun fucking your distant realitives blue eyed people.
February 8, 2008 at 4:32 am
By the way, they do have a guy doll, on the same site that WhoreChurch linked to. They even have a headless one.
Daddy Dan - According to some women, a lot of men are these days.
Thomas
February 8, 2008 at 2:15 pm
I was really looking forward to reading that book but it appears Amazon no longer carries it. Sad.
February 13, 2008 at 7:59 pm
I had heard that pune-tang was a real rat trap…now we see the truth in advertising.
February 16, 2008 at 7:59 am
Regarding Q . 3
Makes me fell wonderfull i must have the biggest famely of all times.
U made me life compæete thx missy
February 22, 2008 at 11:28 am
I have to point you all (stop turning away, please!) to the greatest work of fiction (really!) about a blow-up doll.
The book is Wilt by the British writer Tom Sharpe.
After I read part of it to her, my wife would not speak to me for several days.