My Time As A 3-D Porn Star

Many of you know I have been fired from numerous jobs, but the job that I hated losing the most was the 3-D Porn Star gig. 

After I got a hernia and had to stop dancing for the Atlanta Falconettes back in the early 90’s, I decided to tap into my Latina sexuality and get a job working in the adult film industry.  The only problem was my grandmother.  She told me I wasn’t sexy enough.  She said my nipples weren’t taut enough.  She encouraged me to get some cosmetic surgeries after she stole a bunch of money from some Vietnamese mobsters.  It was enough for a breast enhancement, vaginal enlargement (they inject parts of your buttocks into your labia to make them like a basset hound), and collagen lip injections.

When the surgery was over, I was addicted to pain killers, but on the plus side, I was also dubbed “The Pendulum” because my cooter could slap a man upside his head from 18 feet above ground.  It took 14 brave gay men to wax my jaba up, but I didn’t care.  I was legendary.  Mexican men wrote to me asking if I would hide them in my pleasure dome and swing them over the border. 

Anyhow, to make a long story short, I wanted to work in the adult film industry, but they told me I was “over the top” sexy.  Bastards.

I was pretty down and out for awhile.  Some days I would just fill a wading pool with gin and let my labia party it out, but then I heard about something magnificent: Adult Films in 3-D.

To make a long story short, it was the perfect 3 week career until I injured some people.  But this wasn’t my fault.  How would I know that my large, powerful nipples would look even larger and more deadly to men and widowers wearing the 3-D glasses?!  One man claimed my nipple impaled his eyeball.  Another man died of a heart attack when my swinging labia came full force at his manhood in 3-D speed.  The final straw was when a man claimed he was swallowed whole by my sushi pie.

I was fired for scaring customers, and I was the laughing stock of 3-D adult film.

It took me about 7 months to bounce back; I opted to have surgery to return my body to normal, but I look back on those three weeks fondly.  It was a beautiful time of three-dimensional sexual chaos.

---

Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)

• ’Meatballs’ Will Rain Down in 3-D